...who will be on the Colbert Report
Colbert Question: Now, Mr. Greenwald, if you had your way, Wal-Mart will no longer be able to underpay employees or discriminate against them. Isn't this dangerously likely to make American workers think that they deserve a decent livelihood?
Wrong answer: Yes.
Wrong answer: No.
Correct answer: There is that risk. However, there are literally *billions* of foreigners who can still be underpaid, cheated, discriminated against, and denied healthcare coverage. So, think of my proposals as adding just a dollop of choice to the marketplace.
The point of Colbert repartee is to listen carefully to the question, answer it perfectly seriously, and always provide a right-wing talking point as the explanation for why you are in favor of whatever cause you support. If you can throw in a word George Will would use, you get extra credit.
* If you were a gay hooker, you'd point out the compassionate care and psychological counseling you provide to your clients, all without the intervention of the state.
* If you were a drug addict, you would point out that you serve a valuable social function of being an object lesson for the mercenary exploitation of televangelists.
* If you were a Republican, you can point out that you are so patriotic that if there is a draft and your father can't get you into the National Guard, you'd be delighted to serve... in Germany.